Libra New Moon

Libra New Moon, September 25, 2022 @ 3:55pm MDT, with energies perfecting at 2degrees Libra

This is a special new moon. When I look at the chart of the exact moment, the aspect lines form a kite. With the front tip of the kite point in the South direction from the northern hemisphere point of view. I also find the energy fascinating that the tip of this kite is made up of a Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Sun conjunction involving the signs of Virgo and Libra- an air and earth conjunction. Sky and Earth meet to form new life and possibility. One side of this kite is a trine aspect to Pluto, how to soar requires transformation. Leading us to the base of the kite that is made up of a firm squaring tension of Saturn and Uranus, cradling Neptune, Jupiter, Chiron and the North Node- pulling them together to focus the energy southward to the tip of the this kite. The other edge of this kite to close the formation is Mars in Gemini, I feel like this becomes the choice of flying straight and true, or becoming blindly rouge on your journey with anger.

Grandmother moon, please share with me an aspect of my relationship within my soul that needs to become more aware during New Moon in Libra?

The blind rouge is where I start. Loosing my sight of my path, but maintaining that I know exactly where on Earth it is I am going. The nagging feeling that I am disoriented because I took a wrong turn. But how can that be? I have travelled these pathways before. I still do not want to see that I am blind because I am not in harmony or balance or filled with relationship and connection.

It takes a great deal of courage to reflect on one’s own disorientation, that they may not be flying in the direction they believe they are. It takes bravery to humbly accept that their inner compass needs recalibration. It takes even more bravery to ask the other for help, making you vulnerable to them. It becomes a prayer that they know what they are doing, for they can infect you with the same mis-calibration that they themselves travel on.

In me, I feel about the let down, so many examples of let downs in my experience of asking the other for help, support or even connection. I feel let down at my core that I was never a priority to them. That they took what they needed from me, and then they carried onward, flying on their own journey leaving me behind wondering what happened. In those moments I feel that blindness of anger sink in. I am pissed I feel so used by another, vowing to never again be vulnerable. I choose disconnection over ever feeling this hurt and put out. “F*ck that noise, I don’t need this sh*t”, I say to myself. The removal of myself from others begins. I pack up myself and my pain to move on, travel somewhere else, vowing along the way that situation will never play out again.

But here we are, again. It may have been some years since you last seen this situation, so you are caught off guard by its specific essence. It takes you a moment to remember its taste and feeling. But when you do you remember all too well. (The feeling of Taylor Swift’s “All too Well, 10mintue version” sneaks into my ears, the pain of her lyrics speak to the vows we make when the other hurts our vulnerable souls).

At this point in my journey of discovery of my soul, I realize that my current stuckness in my anger, and refusing to see beyond that are what are keeping me from myself. I do not want to have faith and courage to remain vulnerable to another, that sh*t is far too scary to even entertain as an idea, never mind a daily practice. But as I stay with these feelings, something magical happens: I soften. It slowly starts to feel more crazy to me to stay where I am than it does to be vulnerable and put myself out there and be with other people. I slowly start to wonder what I am missing out on in life as a result of my blindness. I start encountering gentle loving people around me, letting me know the world is actually safe for me to be in. Slowly slowly I encounter this more than the hurt people who have been hurting me since my incarnation and conception.

While these beginnings of life do hurt, and that those experienced feelings did indeed happen, that is not how the world actually is. I could if I wanted choose to remain blind and tell you that the world is a dangerous place when you start involving the others in your life, or I could be brave and find a different path.

I like the concept and visual from my northern perspective of the Kite flying south, towards warmth and sunshine. Towards connection, nourishment and love. I like the feeling that I can take all this energy and as I feel how much the past hurts, I higher I climb in the heavens traveling to a new Earth. I may not actually be flying south for the winter, but another preverbal point is to remember to clean out my own inner fire chambers so that they may burn more cleanly. That in the autumn season we let go of things that will weigh us down as we travel into hibernation. Or in other literal examples- traveling in general has become to costly to carry everything with us, so we must learn to travel lightly. In that metaphor I can feel how my emotional pain/baggage can block me from receiving the warmth of love and the clarity of truth. I probably could with a great deal of energy and force carry on my path while holding onto all this weight, but for what? So it can cover my eyes from seeing what path I am actually on? continuing to block myself from realizing I never intended to be on this path but maybe entirely another?

There is also a lot of sadness in that line of questioning. I have to lean into forgiving myself for my choice to carry all this painful weight for so long. Forgive myself for not realizing that blocking myself from another is actually blocking me from me. The outer disconnection mirroring my inner disconnection. That asking for help to recalibrate my disorientation also means to ask myself for help to release all the binds me to this path im on. I dont want to be here anymore. I want warmth, I want sunshine, I want love, I want community, I want sharing and understanding, I want the other, I want god. I dont want this anymore.

Sun Set, Alberta Canada
Photo: Stephany Steele 

As I weep, I pray for what I long for.

Stephany