Aquarius Full Moon
Aquarius Full Moon, August 11, 2022 at 19:36MDT, with energies perfecting at 19degrees 21minutes Aquarius.
Full Moon found between the gates at Toronto Pearson Airport
Photo: Stephany Steele
So I am staring at the ephemeris (astronomical data charts) this morning as I begin to write- the exact time of the Full Moon on a 24hr clock is 15minutes ahead of the degrees and arch minutes of what is astrologically happening. When Im looking at a chart, I get curious about patterns being presented. The more patterns that come forward on the same theme- the more clear that is a huge part of that moment or soul’s journey being mirrored back to us.
One pattern in the curiosity of 19. Whether it happened when we were 19 years old or 19 years ago, 19 months ago or 19 minutes ago.
19 years old is when we are on the other side of our first Lunar Node return, and into another cycle of carving out our path forward in life, following our souls passions.
19 years ago- is when we were on the other side of Taurus Lunar Node at that time. For some of us, these are two separate moments in time, for others like myself, they are the same moment. Just depends on how much earth time has lapsed between cycles.
Last weekend we had an astrological event that is pretty rare: the North Lunar Node, Mars and Uranus meeting at 18 degrees. Now that may not be 19degrees, but in astrology that is close enough and is called a tight orb. There was also a grand square that had formed last weekend, and is still very much in play on this Full Moon. The large difference is that Mercury is less involved in this energy as it is getting close to its furthest point from the sun from our perspective (Mercury retrograde is Sept 9).
The Sun is also trine to Chiron in Aries at the moment, adding that pattern of healing energy to the mix.
Also Looking ahead, on the New Moon In Virgo coming up, Venus will also make the same Grand Square at 19degrees Leo, pulling us back into these tensions of fixed astrological energies.
Grandmother Moon, please share with me an aspect of my relationship within my soul that needs to become more aware during Full Moon in Aqurius and the Sun In Leo?
“Oh don’t be so dramatic.”
That’s a very curious statement coming from my deep inner thoughts. The fear of being perceived as dramatic.
I have gone there before in previous Leo Moon thoughts and sharing. The tension and judgement of being ourselves is perceived as too dramatic.
Back on the New Moon I considered some very personal things that previously I was judged and shamed for. As a result of the feedback in those moments, I closed down from those parts of my nature. But I realized in these days between moon phases, that those parts of me never left, they just shifted to come from a facade place, instead of the real me. When that was the case, I caused myself and others a lot of damage. I lost any sense of personal pride, achievement and self love. I learned to move away from embodying myself, and now to step more into the Leo archetype, I have to learn self love in order for me to step back into my Taurus North Node of self embodiment.
We all have Taurus in our charts, so it feels right to share such a personal thing. My prayer is that it inspires you to review your patterns and see how you no longer embody yourself, your soul and learn to love you again, more deeply and whole than ever before.
Some examples to help me explain these emotions:
People have judged and shamed me for being ridiculous in the way I live my life, but that is when I felt most whole.
People have judged and shamed me for being reckless, but that is when I feel the most alive.
People have judged and shamed me for acting rambunctious, but that is how I remember how to be young with so much to learn.
Some actions I have taken were ridiculous, reckless as I bounced around rambunctiously through periods of my life causing great damage and emotional pain. The wholeness, aliveness and sense of deep learning I’m tapping into are the moments fear could have justified me into taking different actions. Im glad I reached for my fear, learning the difference.
I have had to look at how I allow myself to let go of my life force. How I bleed myself out energetically. I push myself to prove that I can do it all while my heart is breaking about the sadness I feel in myself and the world around me on a regular basis. I pushed myself to prove that even though I’m hurting I can get “it” done. I fight with myself, denying how I am fighting my energy flow, or lack there of. I am denying how I don’t believe love is my driving force in my life.
Let’s repeat that: I don’t believe love is my driving force in life.
Frankly, I’m not having fun anymore.
All these things I do are really not fun for my soul. They drain me.
Im tired of just giving away my life force to everyone else, I have none left for my own desires.
Needs verses competition, our life force is part of the creative building blocks we build our lives from and into manifestation with. All of our life’s creations come from within each of us.
This is about creating instead of responding.
I was told that what I create needs to be in response to someone else’s needs. This created an inner competition of my own resources, to get my own needs met- to which I am also responsible for. I had to do for others plus do for myself.
Because I understand that my needs are my responsibility I struggle to share what I need with others, I don’t want to continue the cycle of making my needs someone else’s problem as was taught to me.
Why would I take on someone else’s needs? Easy: love was removed, and pain was doled out. I did not receive approval, acceptance, kindness, respect, understanding, compassion, curiosity. Most of my feedback was around how I should take on other’s needs because that is what it means to be human.
As a result I learned to involve myself in others lives, creating that competition with getting my needs met as an adult. I was taught this was how you become in service to others- to involve yourself in them getting their needs met. I was taught that this was called helping. I usually found the opposite to be true, it never goes well for either side when I involved myself, proclaiming to be helping those around me.
Be in service to self first, get your needs met by yourself, ask for help in a manner that doesn’t expect of demand others to get it done for you.
It seems to me that if everyone become responsible for their own desires, we wouldn’t have so much competitive energy rolling around, at least that is one result, maybe there is more possibilities that will open up.
Self agency and our life force.
We give those away and call it living. Yet for me, I feel dead inside. Maybe undeveloped in my own being is a more accurate way of putting it. Either way, it hurts so much I decided to wake up to it, feel about what is going on.
When it comes to the lion and the water bearer archetypes, you have to eat first for you, and share what’s left with others after. Another way to feel about it, is allowing that tea cup of love to fill from the inside, and what spill over the edges onto the saucer is what you share with others. We are often judged and shamed in our early developmental stags for having very little to offer to others. I know fundamentally that what my guides have given me is so priceless that it only feels good to pay it forward, continue the acts of service in love, starting with myself. I realize that sometimes I don’t have enough for me, so I cant give to you. Sharing this email in the formate it comes to you for example, is what was left on my saucer to give.
As I work to create more and more room in my life to fulfill my desires and passions, there will naturally be more on my saucer to share with you. I look forward to that day.
In the mean time, I am considerate and thoughtful that your saucer may be empty, and maybe your tea cup is too. Being aware of that in you can be your moment to realize these patterns, and decide that after the 19th time around you’re done, and chose to step into a new path forward.
Much love,
Stephany